Dere Dere – abstruse

Princeton smiled at the ridiculousness of it.
A young woman with cat ears walked by and stole his attention for a moment.
“Where was I?” Harold said.
“Balls deep in Belles…” Maya said.
“Really?” Prince puzzled.
Maya frowned she wasn’t tolerating this conversation very well. It didn’t help that Harold had wandering eyes. She acquiesced.
“No, you were telling me about how fantastically interesting you were and how I should give you a second date.” She said.
“I don’t think that’s right either.” Prince took a sip of coffee and glanced around the café. “I had a good time but I don’t imagine this thing working out.”
Maya frowned. She had a short speech that she had been preparing ever since their debacle of a date last night and lamented that she no longer needed to use it. She had an idea.
“I’m going to take this opportunity to be openly hostile to you, Prince, if that’s your real name, in a way that I think you’ll appreciate.” She said. “I have a friend that I don’t think much of and I’m going to give her your number. I’m not going to tell her what a self-centered bore you are and maybe you two shits can make something happen.”
Maya stood to leave and Prince smiled at her again. That smug fucking smile, what did it mean? Thank you and be gone she imagined. Prince, if that was his name it suited him.
“Call me if you’re feeling lonely sometime. You have a great ass.” Prince slurped his coffee a bit. Why was he being such an asshole? Maya thought.
“Well with an ass like this I doubt I’ll ever get that lonely, thanks anyway.” Maya turned and left. Prince pulled out his phone and took a video of her ass as she walked away.
Ulysses was staring out the apartment window watching the people pass by unaffected by the rain. He sighed and lamented that his phone was on the desk charging. He didn’t want to move but didn’t really want to do this either. A man in a red North Face rain jacket stopped another man and they began to talk. He imagined that they must know each other but because of the smiles and head nods as they talked but he felt the other man had hoped to walk on by without engaging the man in red. They wrapped up their conversation and shook hands. Suddenly but not dangerously, the man in red was pulled close and kissed by the other man. Ulysses eyebrows rose. “Once again, I am wrong about everything.” The man in red kissed him back and pulled him close. They stopped, held each other at the waist, and locked in a stare for a long public moment made private by the rain. Ulysses sighed again thinking about Maya. He wondered what she was doing. He wondered why she’d changed so suddenly. The men on the street separated and walked in opposite directions, their fingers lingering in a final embrace the broke free from one another.
“As Auri would say today is a doing day.” Ulysses left the window and walked toward the kitchen. “It’s fucking well got to be.”

Moon looked in the mirror. She wondered what Cooper was up to. She squinted then opened her eyes as big as she could. He could be on his way here now. The Dodgers lost last night I bet he’ll be upset. She looked down at the Dodgers hat on the bathroom counter. Should I wear it? Will he be angry if I do? Will it remind him of the loss? I bet he will be happy to see me in it. He said it looked cute on me with my curls sticking out from underneath. I should wear something special underneath this in case he thinks I look really cute.
Moon put the hat on and got out some pins to hold it in place. She set her curls, set the hat just so, and pinned it. Then she went back to her lips. She realized that her lipstick was the wrong color with the hat. She contemplated leaving the hat off and then reassured herself that Cooper would notice and that he would need the support. There was a knock at the door.
“Just a minute.” She called out. He’s early, that’s weird. I should take the hat off. There’s no time.

“Coming.” She said and made her way to the door.

Jaime and Kami stared into each other’s eyes wanting not to like each other anymore.

Sloppy but true. Jaime was the daughter of a very successful entertainment lawyer and an equally successful gastroenterologist. She had been at the top of her class in elementary school and high school but not junior high or college which was something of a sore spot between Jaime and her parents. She was used to the finer things in life. She was well aware of how stylish and attractive she was. She was not well-liked by most but considering that she felt most people were beneath her, that didn’t phase her much. Although she’d had some intense feelings for a few of her girlfriends over the years she’d never really thought of herself as being bisexual or lesbian or pansexual or whatever until the day she’d met Kami. Kami had problems but was capable of an all-encompassing ubiquitous love that made up for most of them. When Kami loved you, it felt like you were the single most important person in the world, which fit Jaime like a glove. What Jaime soon became aware of was Kami loved you most and best when you were doing or being exactly what she wanted you to do or be. When you contradicted her literally, allegorically or ideologically there would be a fight. The fights were terrible and sometimes long, but they were not something that most people would really recognize as a fight. Then there would be the staring. The stonewalled stark disbelief of was palpable between them. Neither could understand why the other couldn’t just give in and admit that they were wrong.
Jaime and Kami continued to stare at each other. They folded their arms almost in sync. Jamie had moved first and was infuriated that Kami was imitating her, ridiculing her, how could she be so cruel. Kami had moved second but was convinced that Jaime had seen her about to move and guessed that she was about to fold her arms then beat her to the action, stealing her posturing thunder. How could Jaime be so petty?

Sean looked at the flashing cursor and sighed. He reread the three paragraphs preceding and began to wonder what he could do to resolve the issue. He took a drink of cold coffee and realized that this was the wrong mug. The warm one was to the right of the cold mug that he had just drank from. The cold one was probably twenty-four hours old, perhaps a bit less. He looked at the cursor again, saved his work, and shut his laptop.
Sean collected the mugs and deposited them in the sink. He found his Pax Era with the Race Fuel cartridge and took a long drag. He set it down and coughed a bit as he exhaled a cloud of vapor. He found his wallet and keys, unplugged his phone, and slid it into his back pocket. He grabbed his jacket off the hook, put it on, and looked around the room. His eyes lingered on his laptop. He grabbed the vaporizer and left his apartment.
As he walked down the street Sean thought about his kids. He wondered what they were up to and if Nico had put them to sleep yet. He passed under a pair of large oak trees and tripped on a section of sidewalk that their roots had pushed up. He thought of Becca felt flushed with love. Becca was away at a conference. He missed her when she was gone. He wondered if Becca knew that he’d hooked up with Nico just before they’d met. If she wasn’t such a good babysitter he might tell her and make a clean breast of it. Sean laughed when he remembered that make a clean breast of it was Nico’s pick-up line, so to speak. She was attempting to comfort him after Candy had left. He was nursing a Canadian bourbon with a single ice cube and Nico was drinking beer. As long as he’d known her she’d had a beer belly. Other than that, she was quite fit. Her hair was long waves of brown and red. She spent a lot of time putting in various shades of red highlights in her hair. They were subtle. You could see the red most clearly when she moved her head. Instead of flirting, Sean found himself asking Nico a series of yes and no questions to try to catch a clearer view of all those reds. He found himself looking right past her eyes, at the hints of red here and there, sometimes everywhere, sometimes nowhere at all.
“Your hair is amazing,” Sean said.
“Thank you, it’s so fucking expensive,” Nico said, smiling.
“It’s worth it,” Slowly he raised his hand to her cheek and ran his fingers through her hair catching all the hidden highlights in the warm dim bar light. “So pretty.”
Their lips came together and in a nice slow kiss. No real spark for Sean, but it was nice, comfortable. He made a mental note never to tell her that. Who wants their kiss to just be comfortable or for that matter, convenient. They kissed again and his lips pushed up against her teeth. She was smiling. Nico was smiling so big at first that he thought that his kiss must have been terrible. They fell apart, out of touch. She was still smiling, now becoming embarrassed. She reached out her hand and rested it just above his knee as she leaned forward to whisper in his ear.
“That was pretty great.” She said, smitten and still smiling beside herself. “I’ve been wanting to do that for quite a long while actually.”
Sean stood up and offered his hand. She took it and he led her out of the bar, straight through Portland at night, and into his bedroom. He was doing all that he could to keep the momentum going. He knew that he needed to be with someone, anyone, that wasn’t Candy. He willfully ignored any guilt regarding Nico’s feelings or any potential future that might not have. He put everything else out of his mind except that there was a woman that was stoked to be with him.
“Are you into candles?” Nico asked as she looked around Sean’s room. There were five large pillar candles set in odd intervals around the room.
“Not really, that’s some of my ex’s stuff,” Sean said. Nico’s face sunk a bit. Sean looked around the room and realized there was actually a lot more of Candy in his room than he remembered. “Feel free to have any of them. I’ll probably just throw them out.”
“No thanks,” Nico said. She smiled uncomfortably.
“Not even these?” Sean reached over to the bedside table and picked up a pair of brown and red cat ears that were leftovers from Candy’s Halloween costume. He slid them gently onto her head then fixed her hair around them so they looked a bit more natural. He pointed behind her to the mirror hung on the back of the door.
Nico had a kind of eureka moment. The cat ears were perfect. She looked great. She smiled and twirled her hair around her middle and index finger.
Nico felt a small static shock as Sean’s hands slid around her stomach. His left slid up toward her sternum and his right slide down covering her belly button and below. He pulled her into him in a deep embrace full of dark electricity.

Ted looked in the mirror and smiled. He shot some shaving gel into his left hand and rubbed it on his cheeks, creating a nice lather. He looked in the mirror again and smiled. He could hear his roommate pacing outside the bathroom door.
“Either you’re almost done or not man. Don’t tell me you’re almost done and then keep me waiting out here for another five minutes. Christ, you’re worse than a girl.” Dave was trying to put his mind on anything other than how bad he had to piss.
“I’m seriously just about finished then the bathroom is all yours.” Ted shaved rinsed out his razor and then removed the next patch of lather and stubble.
“It’s 6:30 right now. At exactly 6:33 I’m going to go into your bedroom and pee on your entire DVD collection.”
“Ok”
Ted finished shaving and splashed some cold water on his face. He searched his face for nicks or acne. He pulled his nose up and inspected his nose hair. Everything had to be just so.
“It’s 6:33.” Dave said.
Ted unlocked the door and gave a smile as he walked past Dave and into the hallway. Dave sneered a bit and dashed in. Ted walked into his room.
“I’m going to do something about this mess. It is utter chaos in here. Complete madness.” Ted picked up an empty cereal box and a paper coffee cup then noticed a CD he’d been looking for and he set them back down again. “I can believe it was on the dresser this entire time.”
“It’s now 6:35” Dave said popping into Ted’s room. “You seriously couldn’t give me two minutes to use the bathroom while you were primping for your big date. That’s fucking cold man. That and you are a gigantic little girl.”
“Here it is.” Ted showed him the CD. “It was on my dresser all this time.”
“The mythical last piece of Lauren in this apartment other than the stain on your sheets.” Dave smiled. Ted shot him a look. “Or is it the stain in your heart.”
“I’m completely over Lauren.” Ted said.
“I’m sure Cleopatra will be delighted to hear that.” Dave took the CD out of Ted’s hand. “ABBA? Are you kidding me?”
“Lauren couldn’t believe that I’d never heard of ABBA so she lent me this CD.”
“ABBA is one of the most known bands in the world. You could have picked up this CD at a gas station in the middle of nowhere and you’ve been moping about how you have to give her a CD back so she’ll stop calling you.” Dave read the back of the disk. “She knows that you’re stupid Ted. She’s just looking for any way she can still have a hook in you.”
“She broke up with me, besides that’s a greatest hits album I doubt you’d be able to find it just anywhere. I’d probably have to order it from somewhere.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Dave opened the CD, took it out, and snapped it in half.
“What the fuck? That wasn’t even mine.”
“I guarantee you that you will find this disk in every music store you go to tonight.”
“I wasn’t planning on going to a music store tonight.”
“Not only do I guarantee that you will find it in every music store and gas station that you go to ever, I guarantee you will find at least two people who will be willing to give you their copy because they don’t listen to it anymore but they used to love it when they were kids.”
“That’s fairly specific, Dave. So what do I win other than a new disk to return to Lauren?”
“If I’m wrong I promise that I’ll never ever have sex with you.”
“So I win either way.”
“Or do you?” He raised an eyebrow and pulled at the corners of an invisible mustache.
“Seriously, that was fucked up. I just want Lauren out of my life. I want to move on. Cleo seems like a nice girl, who knows?”
“Indeed, it is the business of the future to be dangerous.” Dave said.
“Who said that?”
“Me, just now.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m fairly sure.” Dave looked over the song list on the back again. “And no I wasn’t quoting some esoteric philosopher or sad poet. Fernando, Waterloo, Dancing Queen, any of those ring a bell?”
“I never listened to it.”
“Take a chance on me.” Dave smiled and looked up, recalling a long-lost memory. “I haven’t heard that song in a long time. Damn now I wish I hadn’t broken the disk. This is all your fault. Now I’m going to have to listen to ABBA because of you. Damn it I’ll probably be into it for days. You don’t know how catchy it can be.”
Dave walked out of Ted’s room taking the case with him.

“Marlow you bitch. How are you?” Cleo sounded sweet, downright playful.
“Cleo you bitch, I feel great? Are you getting ready for Ted?”
“Yah, he’ll be here in an hour.”
“Let me know when you’re done with him because I know someone that he’s perfect for.”
“Fuck you, sweetie.”
“So guess who I ran into.”
“Is it someone that I should care about right now?”
“No, it was just Morris.” Marlow coughed. “He mulling over changing his hair color again.”
“Exciting.”
“And he said that he totally nailed you in his car on Saturday.”
Cleo winced. She pulled the phone away from her ear and took a deep breath. She looked in the mirror and thought that she looked a little tired. She brought the phone back up to her ear and continued.
“He’s an asshole. He is such an asshole.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What an asshole. Did he really say he ‘nailed me?’ Who says that?”
“I said that. He just told me that you guys had dinner on Saturday. I just guessed since you’re such a whore for him that you hooked up.”
“How did you know about the car?”
“Eeeeew you really did it in a car? What are you fifteen?”
“He has some kind of hold on me. I don’t know what it is. We’ve been broken up longer than we were together now but we hook up like three times as much. He’s totally dirty too.”
“Eeeeew shut up. I don’t want to hear anything else about Morris.”
“I swear to God there are no good men in Portland.”
“I agree, you should give up. Seriously, why are you going out with Ted when you aren’t even remotely finished with Morris?”
“Ted’s cute. He seems interesting. Who knows, you know. He’s not Morris. He’s someone new, you know. “
“Ted is interesting. He has seen every movie ever made and has a long drawn out opinion about all of them.”
“That doesn’t sound interesting that sounds kind of crazy. Did you hook me up with a complete weirdo or what?” Cleo laughed.
“Just don’t break him. He is a good guy and I want him returned in one piece, missy.”
“Bitch.”
“Double bitch.”
“You are crazy.”
“Call me when it’s over. Let me know all the details.”
“Wait, did Morris really say he was changing his hair again? Cause I kind of like it the way it is. I think he finally found a look that’s really good.”
“Wow.” Marlow shook her head. “It’s too late to cancel without looking like a bitch, so why don’t I just call you after dinner, and then you can say I need help, and then at least he can have the rest of the night to try and hook up with someone else.”
“You know what I think it will be fine. Dating is complicated and he’s a big boy. I think he’ll be fine and I’ll be fine. It will be just fine. Stop worrying.”
“He said he was thinking about going with a bright red. He showed me the bottle. It was like stop sign red.”
“Really? Shit.”
“Yeah Shit.”

“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Ted and Cleo admired each other from afar. He stood at the base of her steps, smiling. A breeze played with his mussed hair. She stood at the top of her steps smiling back. The same breeze blew her hair in front of her face. She corralled her bangs and tucked them behind her left ear.
“You look great.” Ted said, regretting it instantly. It seemed such a plain uninteresting thing to say. Cleo did look great and he had wanted to draw attention to it, just in a way that made him seem more slick and James Bond-like. Ted wondered what James Bond would do in his situation. It’s likely that he would drink a martini and radiate devil may care charm and raw sexuality.
“Thanks, I’m almost ready. Come on in.”
“Thanks.”
Ted walked up the front stairs and looked at the porch. There was a full ashtray sitting on the arm of the ubiquitous porch sofa. He thought that there must be some kind of city ordinance requiring people in southeast Portland to put sofas on their front porches. Maybe it’s some kind of housing association bylaw.
“Nice couch.”
“Thanks. It’s not mine. It was just here when I moved in.”
“Ok.”
“Did you have trouble parking? Parking around here is a total bitch.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I didn’t drive. I figured that we could just walk. It’s a nice enough day.”
“Ok, sure.” Annoyed, Cleo turned and headed upstairs to her room.
“Great.” Ted followed, realizing that his date was off to a rocky start.
Cleo’s staircase was beyond claustrophobic. There were framed pictures on either side of the stairs, ribbons, concert tickets, and strings of LED Christmas lights that were probably never turned off. Near the top Ted started to feel like he was climbing out of a garishly decorated manhole.
“You know I was thinking why don’t we just skip dinner?” Cleo held the door to her room open for Ted. “We can get food at the Bagdad anyway. That leaves more money for beer right?”
“Sure, yeah that’s fine. We can catch the 8:10 show of Manhattan. I love that movie. Have you seen it?”
“Nope.”
“Do you like Woody Allen at all? Manhattan is a prime example of a Woody Allen movie.”
“I’m not that into movies. I like a good movie now and then, but I’m not really all that into film or whatever.”
“Ouch.” Ted mumbled.
“Marlow said you are very into movies.” Cleo said.
“Yeah, so have you ever seen a Woody Allen movie?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure. I mean I probably have but you know I don’t really know.”
“Wow, well if you haven’t, Manhattan is a great place to start.”
Cleo kicked off her shoes. She wasn’t looking forward to walking around all night in heels. She started digging around in her closet looking for her Converse low tops.
Ted sat down on her bed and tried for a while not to look at her ass. He was convinced that this was some kind of test to see how pervy he was. He looked around the chaos of her room reflecting on how different it seemed from the chaos of his room. Eventually, he got bored and started looking at Cleo’s ass.
“Here we go.” Cleo popped back up and Ted nonchalantly realigned his gaze with the opposite wall. “I probably won’t need a sweater.”
“You might need it later.”
Cleo didn’t want to say that she didn’t think she’d be out late enough to need one. She didn’t really see this date going anywhere other than the movies. Still, she didn’t want to be mean.
“I suppose you’re right.” She turned back toward the closet and grabbed the first hoodie she could find. “Ok, let’s go.”
Ted stood on her front porch again, eyeing the sofa. He waited as she locked the door behind them. He fell into a stare and was quite stuck looking at it. Cleo threw her arm over his shoulder and he jumped.
“Are you ready?”
“Sure. Sorry, I got lost there for a minute.”
Ted and Cleo walked down the stairs and turned on to the sidewalk.

“We have some time why don’t we hit a bar on the way.”
“I could use a drink.”
“How about the Belmont Inn?”
“Let’s go to the Triple Nickel. I might run in to someone I know at the Inn.”
“Ok.” Ted said. “
“So how did you meet Marlow?”
“We worked together for a while at the Mercury.” Cleo fished around her pockets as they walked. “I think she had been there for six months before I started there. She said that when she saw me she took one look at my hair and she just had to meet me.”
Ted laughed. Cleo had found whatever she was looking for or she had abandoned the search. She smiled and Ted and he smiled back.
“At first I took it as a compliment, but the more I get to know her the more I just don’t know. Half the time when I’m with her I’m thinking, ‘You bitch! Tell me what the fuck is wrong with my hair!’ She’s totally the kind of person that will see someone in a bar with a mullet and be like ‘Oh my god! Let’s talk to that guy for the rest of the night.’”
“I think that I have done that with her actually.” Ted stepped around a broken bottle. Cleo looked at him inspecting the side of his face. “Actually I know that we did that. We spent the whole night talking to a woman with a kind of perm and a mullet all in one. She was really nice actually. I’m not even sure if we were making fun of her. I guess I thought we were when we went over to her booth, but Marlow was just as nice as ever.
“Wow, now I feel really insecure. Is there something weird about my hair? You’d tell me if there was right?”
“Cleo, I think you’re beautiful.”
“Thank you. That’s really sweet.”
“I think your hair looks great.”
“Thanks.” Cleo gave him a bear hug as they walked up Belmont Street toward the bar. “Marlow can really get in my head sometimes, I guess.”
“Let’s change the subject then.” Ted and Cleo’s eyes made contact and they both felt a small spark. They smiled. Ted continued. “Can you believe this weather?”
“It’s really fucking nice.” Cleo smiled.
They stopped in front of the Triple Nickel. Cleo stuck her fingers through the belt loops on Ted’s hips and she shimmied his pants and hips from side to side. They looked in each other’s eyes for a minute. Ted wondered if he could get away with kissing her this early in their date. Cleo was rapidly re-evaluating her opinion of Ted. Ted thought that it was far too early and he didn’t want to look like an asshole.
“Don’t let me down.” Cleo said.
“Don’t let me down.” Ted repeated, thinking of the Beatles. Cleo puzzled.
“Let’s get a drink.” She said.
“You’ve got the first round.”
“Fine,” She laughed.” I’ve got the first round.”
Ted opened the door and held it for Cleo. She made a face at him as she walked in. He followed close behind and they made their way to the bar.
Cleo made eye contact with the bartender and she nodded. The bartender gestured that it would be a minute. She was pulling pint glasses out of the sanitizer.
“What do you want?” Cleo asked.
“Vodka tonic with extra lime.” Ted replied.
“That’s a girl’s drink.”
“Alcohol knows no gender.”
“It does it absolutely does.”
“Ok then get me a single malt scotch that’s old enough to vote and a cigar.” Cleo laughed. “No a pipe. What’s manlier a cigar or a pipe? I can’t really image a woman smoking a pipe.”
“What’ll you have?” The bartender said.
“Two vodka tonics one with extra lime.”
“That’s nine dollars.” The bartender went right to work assembling their drinks.
Cleo paid for their drinks. They picked an open table and sat down. Cleo took off her hoodie and set it over the arm of her chair. She adjusted her hair and sipped on her vodka tonic.
Ted scanned the room to see if anyone he knew was around. Dave had a way of finding him when they went out separately. Also he had a nasty habit of bumping into Lauren at really inconvenient or even flat out embarrassing times.
“So how serious do you want to get?”
“Sexually?”
“Conversationally.”
“Sorry I didn’t know what you meant.”
“It’s just, the things that you learn about someone, the things that leak out over the course of the first few dates, are the things that you wish you knew about before you started dating them.”
“Sure.”
“Like no one is going to set you up with someone and be like he’s great, but he’s an alcoholic and abusive or is like way too into feet or something.”
“Right.” Ted took a drink. “Feet I can take or leave.”
“Me too. I guess I don’t really get foot fetishes.”
“Well that’s why it’s a fetish. Fetishes are something that either you are on one side of the fence of you’re on the leather mask side of the fence.”
“Do you think they make fake leather masks for vegans that are into s&m.” They both laughed.
“That would awesome I would love to see the marketing on that.”
“All hemp whips and ropes.”
“Organic hemp and environmentally friendly dyes.” They laughed again.
“What would be the company name? Like hippie something?”
“Earth something.”
“Earth Hippie Bondage Company.”
“Ethical Torture Supply.”
“Have you ever dated a hippie?”
“No, but two girls I dated became hippies shortly after we dated.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah it was a little emasculating but I feel like I’m past it.”
“I’m guessing they weren’t part of the whole fetish community thing.”
“No they were kind of boring.” Ted took another drink and locked eyes with Cleo.
“Kinky hippies.”
“Yeah I think if there was a Venn diagram of kinksters and hippies that there would be less than a handful where those circles would meet.”
“Totally.”
Their hands bumped at the sides. They were both acutely aware of it. It was one of those things that begged a next step, some kind of conclusion. Cleo made the first move. She placed her hand on top of his and briefly caressed his knuckles with her thumb. Then she picked up her hand and grabbed her vodka and took a sip.
Ted was beginning to wonder if he was screwing everything up. He had ordered an apparently girly drink. He possibly blew his chance at kissing her before they even entered the bar. And now he failed to act when their hands bumped together. He was trying to remain collected but his mask of confidence was rapidly falling apart. He thought about Lauren and sighed a bit.
“So you wanted to get serious?”
“Conversationally.”
“Of course.” Ted cringed feeling rattled. “How did your last relationship end?”
Now Cleo felt rattled. She sat more upright in her chair and slid her drink from her resting right hand to her left. She looked up at Ted.
“I’m not sure that it ever did.”
“You are single, right?”
“Yes.” Cleo said, shaking her head. “We go back and forth a lot. We know there’s no future together, but we still hook up when we have no one else.”
“So you don’t have a boyfriend you have a buddy.”
“I guess.”
“Hmm.”
“How did your last relationship end?” Cleo asked.
“Badly, but the more I think about it, I guess all failed relationships end badly. Ending badly seems an intrinsic part of the whole relationship gone bad thing.”
“I guess.” Cleo sighed and finished her drink.
“I don’t really know why I put it that way. I guess its like how there are no high altitude plane crashes, but people always say that, when they actually mean high altitude collision.”
“Who ever says that?” Cleo puzzled. “It’s not like mid air crashes are an everyday occurrence.”
“Let’s change the subject. Perhaps politics or religion?”
“What was her name?”
“Lauren.”
“Were you in love?”
“I don’t know. I think my pride would like to believe that we weren’t. Maybe we just needed each other, for a time. I don’t think I could handle the idea that we were in love and it didn’t work out.”
“Hmm.”
“I just have to believe that if you’re really in love with someone that it lasts and that anything else wasn’t the real thing.”
“The real thing, how romantic.”
“Well, yeah.” Ted smiled.
“How very like a movie.” Cleo sounded bored.
“I suppose so.” Ted said, feeling far too sober. “Maybe we don’t have a ton of things in common but who knows?”
“So here we are two people, who know the same person, who really probably shouldn’t be dating out on a first date.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” He said
“Sounds dangerous.”
“It is the business of the future to be dangerous.” Ted said, thinking of Dave.
“What?”
“What?” Ted finished his drink.
“What was your best relationship like Ted?” Cleo asked.
“Well, I’ve had some good ones in the past few years. They ended badly of course, but the good in them was good. About a year ago just before Lauren, Marlow and I were going out. The good in that relationship was really good. I think that’s why we’ve stayed friends this whole time.”

“You went out with Marlow?”
“Yes, most of the year before last.”
“My Marlow?”
“Our Marlow, yes. I guess now that I think about it, it’s a little weird having someone you dated fix you up with someone.”
“Yes, it is.” Cleo was smiling, but she was shocked and half believed that Ted was just fucking with her. “Wow, really… Marlow.”
“I don’t seem like her type do I?”
“No, but it’s not that. I’ve told Marlow everything about me. I guess I haven’t known her that long, but she never mentioned that she fucked you.”
“We didn’t just fuck one night. We dated for a little over six months. Technically, we fucked a lot more than six months, maybe nine or ten months.”
“Wow.”
“Look I’m sorry that she never told you. I guess I thought that you knew or I would have brought it up before now. I don’t want things to get weird between us. Why don’t you call her and talk about it for a minute.”
“Wow, I don’t know. I’m feeling a little buzzed and a little hostile. I’m not sure I should talk about anything serious with her right now.”
“OK”
Cleo put her face in her hands and rubbed her cheeks. Ted watched a young couple playing darts. He was mentally chastising himself for thoroughly and completely fucking up his first date with Cleo. He decided to press on and try to salvage something from the evening.
“Another round? My turn.”
“Ok.” Cleo said.
“I think I’ll go with a martini this time.”
“Great you can be James Bond and I’ll be Carrie Bradshaw.”
“Cosmopolitan then. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Cleo dug into her purse and pulled out her phone. She frantically dialed Marlow’s number. Across the bar, a glass fell off a table and broke. Distracted, she whipped her head around toward the noise. The phone began to ring and Cleo drummed her fingers nervously on the table.

“Ted said that you were dating.”
“Yes.”
“You never said anything about dating Ted.”
“It didn’t end well.”
“What happened?”
“I cheated on him a few times and then I just realized, I can do this anymore.”
“Why did you set me up with Ted?”
“Because you asked me to and I thought you two would hit it off.”
“I did, we did a bit, for a while, I think.” Cleo rubbed her forehead with her free hand. “This all feels fucking weird now. Can you come down here?”
“I’m sorry if it’s weird but I don’t know what you expect me to do.”
“I expect you to come down here.”
“I’m not coming down there, Cleo.” Marlow enunciated clearly, firmly. “This is Ted. This is the guy you saw a picture of at my place and couldn’t shut up about how cute he was. This is the guy you asked me to set you up with. I’m sorry if I didn’t mention that we dated over a year ago but I didn’t think it was that important. He’s moved on I’ve moved on. We’ve both been in and out of relationships since then and we’ve managed to stay friends. He’s a good guy give him a chance.”
“We were talking about past relationships and he said that the good in your relationship was really good.”
“He did?”
“What did he mean by that?”
“I don’t know. Ask him.”
“Ok, so I’m not mad at you even though I should be anymore, but I still want you to come down here.”
“Are you drunk?”
“I’ve had one drink.”
“How was dinner?”
“We didn’t go. I was thinking about you know who and I thought that I’d just end this date early and then call him. And then Ted said something sweet and there was a spark. We kissed and went for drinks at the Triple Nickel.”
“Eew, why are you there.”
“Because we’re here.” Cleo laughed. “Everything was fine until he started talking about all fucking you for six months, you whore.”
“So what did he say?”
“He told me all about the nasty things you made him do to you. I swear to god it made me blush.”
“Fuck you.”
“Whore.”
“I think you need to eat something. That one drink sounds like it’s gotten its hooks into you pretty good.”
“I was really starting to like him and now all I can think about is Ted going down on you. I wanted Ted to go down on me.” Cleo had a flash of self-awareness and looked around. No one seemed to notice.
“Well, you’re in for a treat. The man knows his business.”
“Oh my god.”
“What?”
“I’m full of malevolence and confusion. Marlow I want a reason to like Ted. I’m probably not making sense. I don’t really know what I’m looking for but I want to see you two together. Maybe I’ll find it then.”
“I’m in my pj’s.”
“Marlow.”
“I have someone coming over to ravage me soon. I’m not leaving this house until that happens.”
“Call him off. Tell him your cooter is broken. Ravage yourself and get down here.”
“Cooter.”
“I was on the verge of getting ravaged myself and now thanks to you, that’s all fucked up and weird. So why down you get on your broom and come down here and fix it.”
“Let me call you back. Go have another drink, relax.”
“I’m like half-drunk already. For some reason, we’ve been drinking all night.”
“Well, you both like to drink.”
“Is that why you thought we’d hit it off.”
“I’ll call you back, drunkie.”
“Bitch.”
“Whore.”
“Drunk whore.”
“You had better get down here before I do something stupid, Marlow.”
“I’ll call you back in a minute. Where’s Ted right now.”
“He’s waiting in line.”
“Alright, I’ll call you back.”
Ted’s pocket started vibrating. He pulled out his phone and answered.
“If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and then dial your operator.”
“Shut up Ted it Marlow.”
“Hello.” Ted said, annoyed. “I’m on a date you know. I imagine you know you set us up.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“What did you do?”
“Cleo just got really weirded out about us. I have no idea why you thought it would be a good idea to bring up that we dated for a while, but she is really weirded out by the whole thing.”
“Why are you sorry it sounds like I fucked everything up?”
“She wants me to come down there.”
“Fuck, why?”
“I think she’s jealous she said she wants to see us together for some reason.”
“So you’re calling to warn me.”
“Yes. Don’t freak out when I get there. Don’t act weird. Maybe this will turn out fine.”
“So us bumping into each other is just something we’ll write off as a Portland thing.”
“Yeah.”
“See you soon I guess. You better have told her I’m good in bed.”
“We didn’t talk about that.”
“Well if it comes up talk me up a bit. Nothing too crazy, nothing I can’t live up to but something good you know?”
“God! Fine. See you two in a bit.”
Ted gets their drinks and walks back to their table where Cleo is now smoking?
“You’re a smoker. I keep forgetting.”
“Who were you talking to just now?” Cleo asked.
“My roommate Dave. He’s over at the Goodfoot. He wanted to know if I was going to stop by.” Cleo raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “He’s very clingy.”
“Ok.”

“Do you want to just forget about the movie?” Ted asked.
“No, we can catch the late show right?”
“Sure that gives us plenty of time.”
“Yes, it does.”
“So you work at the Mercury?”
“Yes, sort of.” Cleo took a drink. “I’m not on staff full time. I do things around the office and write pieces that get turned down. Occasionally I’ll get a music review out.”
“Marlow mentioned that you‘re a big music fan.”
“Yeah, but who isn’t a music fan. Everyone loves music.”
“Most people that I know who are really into music have so many records, CDs, tapes, and mp3s that eventually they end up opening their open store.”
“CDs definitely and mp3s. I don’t have any records or tapes anymore.”
“I have a whole bookshelf of DVDs.”
“Yes, Marlow mentioned the movie thing?”
“What’s your favorite movie?”
“What’s your favorite album?”
“Do you ever look the other person over and guess what they want you to say in situations like these?”
“No that is more interesting.” Cleo smiled “Umm my favorite movie is Star Wars and I hate the three new Star Wars movies that came out.”
“Really? I that like a general male demographic thing or am I really putting out a scifi vibe?”
“I actually liked the new Star Wars movies but then I feel like I knew what I was getting into before I watched them.”
“I thought they were ok. I like Ewan McGregor.”
“Yeah, he was good as Ben. I think the problem with Star Wars one through three was almost the expectations that people were putting on them. It would have been easier to do a sequel to Jedi than try to tell the backstory.”
“It’s your turn.”
“My song.” Ted took a drink and looked Cleo up and down. “Hmm, I feel like anything I say is going to be wrong. You have the frightfully hip look of a person that would become bored and move on from an artist long before the general public became aware of them.”
“I have a little bit of that, sure. I’m pretty open-minded though. I like a little bit of all music.”
“Ok, then I’ll say, ABBA. Any greatest hits album.”
“Jesus, really?”
“Sure.”
“An ABBA greatest hits album. That’s like something that everyone in the universe has. It binds us together as a species I think.”
“I don’t have one.”
“ You know I think I have an ABBA greatest hits album that’s just collecting dust in my room. Remind me when we get back to my place and you can have it.”
“Thanks.”

“You have and brothers or sisters?” Ted asked.
“No, it’s just me.” Cleo dipped a corner of the tip of her french fry in the puddle of ketchup in the basket.
“I have a brother, but we don’t talk much.” Ted dunked three fries in the ketchup, submerging them to his fingertips. He bit them in half, chewed and swallowed then shoved the remaining half in. “We don’t have much in common. I don’t think he likes me that much.”
“That’s sad. I always wanted an older brother.”
“He’s younger, Joey.” Ted took a deep drink, half draining the pint. He did a mock salute with the glass. “Brother Joe!”
“Where does he live?”
“Clackamas.”
“Clackamas is like fifteen minutes away from here.” Cleo scrunched her brow. “You could probably ride your bike there.”
“I do. I go there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We drink a lot and start arguing about things that happened like seventy million years ago.”
“Who would win in a fight a raptor or a tyrannosaurus?” Cleo smiled. She dipped another fry in the ketchup, a little deeper this time.
“Not literally seventy million years ago.” Ted laughed hard. “No just the past, old wounds, old words that are never left unsaid.”
“That’s too bad.”
“I blame the drinking. I almost got a DUI the last time.”
“Is that why you don’t drive?”
“Not driving for me is a lifestyle choice. It’s not environmental, legal, I’m not advocating anything or whatever. I just like riding my bike. I don’t really like being in cars.”
“You almost got a DUI on a bike? You can’t get a DUI on a bike.”
“You absolutely can. In the eyes of the law you might as well be drunk in a three thousand pound Buick.” Ted dipped another few fries in the ketchup. This time he didn’t go as deep. “That was the reason the cop let me go with a warning. He said, ‘If I take you in they are going to treat this just like you were driving a car and that is going to ruin your life. Why don’t you go sit on that bench and wait for the next bus. You might have to wait an hour, but it beats the hell out of the drunk tank and a courtroom.’ I agreed with him and sat my ass down. I fell asleep and someone ripped off my bike, but at least I don’t have a DUI on my record.”
“Wow, that’s fucked up.”
“Yeah, I was stupid but I got lucky.”
“What about your parents.”
“We aren’t that close. They live back east.”
“My mom is in Seattle and my dad lives in Arizona.” Cleo shook her head. “I hate Arizona. It’s a totally irrational hatred too. It’s a beautiful place, great weather, lots of art and artists, beautiful nature everywhere, I don’t know. There is something about being Arizona that I just hate. I wish I could kick it in the shins.”
“So you think it’s a great place but you just hate it for some reason that you can’t quite put your finger on?”
“Yep.”
“Well that would be the definition of irrational hatred for something.” Ted added a bit of salt to the fries and then picked up a few more. “I totally feel that way with diet, decaffeinated or light versions of anything. Not so much a hatred I guess but just knowing they exist makes me irrationally angry.”
“That’s it. It’s like just knowing that Arizona exists kills something inside of you. I mean me.”
“So do you get along with your dad?”
“Yeah he’s great. He runs a small theater in Tempe.”
“A theater, movies or tights?”
“Movies.”
“I love him. Wait is it part of a theater chain?”
“No, it’s a second run house. They show the Rocky Horror on Saturday, cartoons on Sunday, that kind of thing.”
“Yes, I really do love him. In fact I idolize him. Your father is really living the dream.”
“My mother is a failed writer of sorts.”
“So she’s not really a failure then?”
“No she’s not really a writer.” Cleo finished her beer. “If you ask her she’ll tell you that she’s a writer. If you look around her place you’ll see a million different books about writing, writing techniques, publishing, agents, those Writer’s Market book for every year since like 1982, and old copies of Publisher’s Weekly. She even has a writing room that is very clean, well lit and organized. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her write a word.”
“Hmm.”
“Hmm indeed. My mom is complicated for sure. She works at a bookstore, she has for years.”
“Seems like a good place for an aspiring writer to work.”
“She pesters the authors that come in for book signings about literary agent information and publisher information. I seriously doubt that she even has a finished product to sell. I bet she has over a hundred half finished novels though. Maybe more.”
Ted finished his beer in silence. Cleo looked around the room. Ted really didn’t know what to say. Clearly a nerve had been struck.
“Let’s get out of here. I need some air.”
“We could still catch the movie?” Ted said.
“Alright let’s go.”
They got up from the table and Ted bussed all their dirty dishes. Cleo put her hoodie on and zipped it up a bit. Ted smiled and she smiled back a bit. He held the door open for her and they stepped out into the night.
    They walked side by side. Cleo hand her hands in her pockets. Ted’s hands moved freely at his sides as they walked. He noticed that an unusual number of people were out walking tonight. It was like a concert had just ended. Portland hipsters and the grimy down and out walked past them in the opposite direction. Cleo looked at her feet and the sidewalk as they went. She was lost in thought.
    Ted turned steering them out of the stream of people. They made their way over to 37th Avenue. I was a ghost town by comparison. The scraping and clacking noises of their footfalls on the sidewalk was amplified by the silence. They became cumbersome, obtrusive and annoying. Ted stopped walking. He was still quite buzzed and his body felt like it was still moving.
    “What’s wrong?” Cleo jerked to attention as they stopped.
    “I don’t know. I’m pretty buzzed. I can feel it. It’s totally catching up to me.”
    “Hmm.” Cleo looked around, more becoming aware of her surroundings. “Yeah, me too. I have to pee.”
    “Can you hold it?”
    “Sure.” Cleo said sounding disproportionately accomplished. “Hey what is that.”
    Cleo pointed at the house across the street. Through the window Ted could see a man holding a cross up to another man. The man on the receiving end of the cross was having a fit. He was convulsing so violently that Ted was surprised the man didn’t fall down. He was making a aggravated scream and moan that was muted by the walls of the house. The man with the cross held up a bible in the other hand and started shouting at him. They couldn’t make out what he was saying.
    “Um, it’s an exorcism.”
    “Huh.

“You aren’t going to believe this but I just saw an exorcism.”
“You’re shitting me? Another one? That’s the second one this year.”
“Second in the last six months actually. The last one was in July.”
“Fuck.” Dave lit a cigarette and switched shoulders with the phone.
“Hey what if Portland is a hellmouth?”
“Like Sunnydale.”
“Totally.”
“Or like there’s a buildup of exorcisms because there’s some massive demonic even about to happen like in Ghostbusters.”
“I am the Keymaster.”
“I am the Gatekeeper.”
“That would be epic. I would love that.” Dave took a drink and tapped his ashes. “How’s the date going? Is it still going?”
“I haven’t scared her off yet.”
“Well, the night is young. Hey, what did she think of the exorcism?”
“It was surreal. She seemed to take it all in stride though.”
“Did you tell her that this wasn’t your first time?”
“No, I don’t know if I want her to make a corollary between me and exorcisms.”
“Maybe she’s into that?”
“I doubt it.”
“Hey is it still happening?”
“Probably. Stand at the corner of 36th and Taylor and look in a few windows across the street. If it’s still going on you’ll find it. “
“Was there a blue mini-van in front?”
“I think so.”
“Shit that’s the same guys as last time.”
“Huh.”
“Ted, I’m on the way I have to find out for myself.”
“See if they have a business card.”
“That would be the best job ever.”
“What do you think you need to get started in that line of work?”
“A business card… I guess a demon.”
“A cool business card.”
“It would be pretty disappointing if you got the business card of an exorcist and it was lame.”
“Absolutely.”
“How do you get possessed anyway? Is it all bad luck or… oh shit, he comes Cleo. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Later.”

“I don’t know what to make of that movie? I mean what was the point of that movie?”
“I’m not sure I can explain it. It’s a deeply personal thing or something.”
“There is no way that I really sound like that. I refuse to believe that I sound like that.” Cleo smiled and took another drink.
“Ok, how old was that girl really. Was she twelve? What’s her name?”
“Mariel Hemingway.”
“That’s just gross.”
“I think she was eighteen at the time. Manhattan came out in ’79 and she was born in ’61 so yeah, eighteen.”
“She looks so much younger than eighteen. Maybe it’s her voice? Maybe that’s why I think she’s like twelve?”
“You seem a lot more relaxed. I was pretty sure you didn’t like me for a while there when we first started.”
“Well you’re kind of an ass, but you’re a very cute ass. And you can be quite charming sometimes.”
“What a coincidence that’s what I was going to have put on my gravestone: ‘I could be quite charming sometimes.’And on the other side, it would be. I had a very cute ass.”
“I never said you had a cute ass. I said you are an ass.”

They walked down the street disappearing into the night. Instead of browsing, they walked past stores and well-lit trees without a glance. They were locked into each other and nothing else really existed at that moment. Hawthorne and all its distractions were a blur in their periphery.
They stopped at street corners and kissed passionately. It seemed like they just had to kiss and really had no idea that they had stopped just before the curb ran out. When they separated and began to move again they were unconscious as to whether there were oncoming cars. They smiled like idiots, poor love-struck idiots. They left a wake of turned heads, some jealous, some warm cooing and remembering when that was them and the whole world was different.
In a flash, their walk was over. Ted and Cleo stood at the base of her stairs. Cleo looked deep inside Ted’s warm brown eyes and saw a bright future. She saw laughter and love. She saw them waking up together and going to bed at night. She saw a distant future when they were old and gray but still fantastically hip and wonderful.
Ted noticed the beginning of a wrinkle at the corner of her eye. He ran his hand up the back of her neck and combed his long fingers through her hair. She smiled and the wrinkle became more pronounced. He wanted to say that he loved her as ridiculous as that was. He was overcome with love. He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. She closed her eyes. When she opened them again he caught a sparkle in her eye from the fresh moisture and the streetlight overhead. In concert they closed their eyes and kissed. It was voracious, fierce, and totally out of control kissing that bent the universe.
When they opened their eyes and took a breath they were standing in Cleo’s bedroom and her shirt was off. They looked around a little unsure how they’d arrived there. When she realized she was shirtless Cleo laughed and covered her mouth a bit with her right hand. Ted laughed too.
“Wow.” They said at the same time.
“You are really something else, Cleo.”
“It is the business of the future to be dangerous, what do you think he meant by that?”
Ted put a little distance between them and gave Cleo a big band, style twirl. He caught her in his arms dipped her back and kissed her gently. When their lips separated there was a small spark.
“Did you feel that?”
“Absolutely.” Cleo said.
“That spark, you and me, that’s dangerous.” Ted grinned.
Ted swept her legs up and turned their deep lean into a carry. Cleo laughed loudly. Ted spun her around and then they landed together on Cleo’s bed. They faced each other lying on their sides. They kissed for a while, a long while actually. Cleo couldn’t remember the last time she’d really made out with a boy in her bedroom.
Ted was at an impasse. Naturally, he wanted to take things further but he really liked Cleo and he didn’t want to come off like an asshole. We wished that they hadn’t lost momentum. Things had progressed quite automatically, if only they had gotten past this point already.
Ted was thinking about how great things were going when suddenly began to wonder why he had heard, it is the business of the future to be dangerous, from three different people today. What did it all mean? Why was it happening?

They were still and quiet, staring at the ceiling. Cleo look at the loose collage of images tacked to her ceiling. She couldn’t remember the last time she had added anything to it. She thought about tearing it all down. Then she wondered if she should rearrange it give it a new life of some kind.
Ted had never really noticed the collage. He remembered feeling cramped when he entered her room earlier that evening, at the time he thought it was residual claustrophobia from the freakishly small and vertical stairway, now he thought that it was probably due to the dark chaotic state of Cleo’s ceiling.
He noticed that all the pictures had people in them. It was kind of a spectrum of humanity splashed across her ceiling. There were no pictures of cats